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Thank You… and Goodbye ~
Thursday, 19 June 2025 02:56Hi again … so a lot has changed in my lolita life in 2025. The biggest change recently is that I have departed from my local comm, and am now in the pursuit of closer interpersonal friendships with similar tastes and interests in the fashion.
The year started off with a meetup in February to watch Kamikaze Girls. It was a big meetup, and I designed the merch for it, which proudly bore the name of our comm and 2025, sort of implying that there might be a 2026 iteration of the event. In March, I organized a doll meet that was also a fully catered tea party with the help of my friends. Now, I don’t know when I’m going to a comm meet again.
I think back to my very first meetups from when I was in highschool. My first ever meetup was super chaotic, but I met my online friend for the first time in person, and also made new friendships that lasted until today. It was at a mall near my home. It was chaotic, silly, serious, and very, very fun. So many weird people we encountered…
My second meetup was a skating meetup. I was still insecure about wearing lolita outside, so I was rude to employees and only got fully dressed once I arrived. However, the atmosphere was way more comfortable and I slowly got to know people individually. It was raining/snowing, but I couldn’t feel it at all because of how fun it was to talk to everybody there. I remember after the meet, everybody was sending messages of appreciation to each other in the server, saying things like “you guys are what make the comm today so great”. I sent a message like that too.
My first time meeting my old school friends was at an official swap meet. It felt so nice to see other old schoolers for the first time!! I felt like one of the cool kids!!!
I have instagram highlights of every single meet I have ever gone to, from 2022 to now. I was very active in the discord server, messaging probably every day. When the whole “parasol papers” shenanigans were going on, I left all big lolita discord servers, and found peace in the comm server.
However, now that I reflect back on my older experiences, I only have fleeting memories with most of the members. I can call almost everyone an acquaintance… but only a handful of people stuck out to me as close friends.
It was still fun to mingle with acquaintances, though. Having a big community made me assume close friendship with almost everybody, and talking to everyone felt really natural.
Nevertheless, throughout the past few months, there has been a situation that caused pretty much everybody in my close friend group to leave. I do not hold any grudges against any individuals, but I believe that I left for a good reason.
And truthfully, I’m not even that sad.
I feel like I should be sadder. It’s a group that I’ve been a part of since I was 17, and I’m turning 21 soon. Many people in the comm will probably look down on me for ditching the main comm — and well, I already knew that some people looked down on my old school friends and I for being “elitist” and hanging out without the whole comm. I’ve had years of good memories with everyone… but I feel like I’ve already achieved what I’ve come here to achieve.
I came to my local comm to find friends, and I’ve found so many! I have friends I talk to on a daily basis. I have friends that I have deep conversations with. I have friends that I go to goth clubs with. I have friends who talk about the same things as me. Even my acquaintances — I’ve reached out to so many in the past couple days and they’re all on board with hanging out sometime to grow closer. So, I’ve done exactly what I’ve come to my local comm to do. I have so many friends who know why I have left the comm, and they’re still willing to hang out with me.
It was funny because I went from welcoming all the new people to the comm server, patting everyone on the back for their work on meetups, and chatting about food, shopping, etc. to suddenly leaving (on my own accord). I had plans for two meetups but cancelled them both. Everything kind of faded away within a day, and I felt the shift in my daily routine as well, because I usually check the discord server first thing in the morning. When I go to check my phone for new messages, I feel confused when I don’t see the group icon on my discord dock.
Though, I don’t feel that that much has changed in terms of my social life. I don’t feel lonely, because I still talk to the same people. I’m still planning meetups… just with my close friends instead of opening the invites to people I have never met. I get more choice on what to do at meetups when close friends plan them — official comm meets can usually cost 20-40 dollars to attend. Now I can plan free meets that just involve walking around, because I have enough to chat about with my close friends, and I’m not worried about impressing a crowd.
Not to mention that I have close enough friends now for 1 on 1 hangouts! I never thought I’d see the day. I hung out with my friend in Concord to go antiquing, and I will see my online friend when I visit Washington DC this weekend!! So much funnn, and an experience I may not have had if I stuck only to comm organized events.
Also, I think back to when I left all big servers in 2023. My friend started by making a server with all my close friends from Babylita HQ and we still talk almost daily! Leaving was honestly the thing that brought my online friendships closer. Lolita Servita… I love you guyssss.
I think leaving this time made me close to new people too. At last year’s Meta meet, I met a friend who had the funniest sense of humor. I talked to him the other day — saying how I wished we could’ve gotten to know each other more — so we agreed to hang out sometime! This morning I also dmed multiple people who I wanted to stay close to. I’m so excited to see them again.
So, I’ve learned that I’m a people person. I’ve never understood how people want to be a lonelita. I said, I need a comm. But no, what I need is a community. I have a community in my city and online, across the world. It doesn’t have to be the official city comm.
…Although, I will admit that there is one thing I might mourn, which was my growing friendships with many members of the comm mod team. This year especially, I grew close with certain mods at multiple meetups. At the zine meet… at the doll tea… at the aquarium meet… etc.
I will not speak on the issue that caused my friends and I to leave, but it was linked back to disagreements and shortcomings with the moderation. I didn’t agree with their decisions, but the mods were still friends of mine… I hope that one day they will be okay with me enough to speak with me again. While they may not like some of my friends, I still miss the flowering friendships we had. If you are reading this and are one of my old friends, mod or not, please never hesitate to reach out to me <3 I am always willing to build bridges again.
I can’t wait to see what the future of my lolita journey has in store. I want to travel the world and meet lolitas everywhere. I want to get more involved in the Chinese community and better my Mandarin. I want to wear lolita with my roommate. I want to meet my close online friends in real life. I want to see all of Massachusetts with my old school friends.
I think my lolita journey has only just started!!!
The year started off with a meetup in February to watch Kamikaze Girls. It was a big meetup, and I designed the merch for it, which proudly bore the name of our comm and 2025, sort of implying that there might be a 2026 iteration of the event. In March, I organized a doll meet that was also a fully catered tea party with the help of my friends. Now, I don’t know when I’m going to a comm meet again.
I think back to my very first meetups from when I was in highschool. My first ever meetup was super chaotic, but I met my online friend for the first time in person, and also made new friendships that lasted until today. It was at a mall near my home. It was chaotic, silly, serious, and very, very fun. So many weird people we encountered…
My second meetup was a skating meetup. I was still insecure about wearing lolita outside, so I was rude to employees and only got fully dressed once I arrived. However, the atmosphere was way more comfortable and I slowly got to know people individually. It was raining/snowing, but I couldn’t feel it at all because of how fun it was to talk to everybody there. I remember after the meet, everybody was sending messages of appreciation to each other in the server, saying things like “you guys are what make the comm today so great”. I sent a message like that too.
My first time meeting my old school friends was at an official swap meet. It felt so nice to see other old schoolers for the first time!! I felt like one of the cool kids!!!
I have instagram highlights of every single meet I have ever gone to, from 2022 to now. I was very active in the discord server, messaging probably every day. When the whole “parasol papers” shenanigans were going on, I left all big lolita discord servers, and found peace in the comm server.
However, now that I reflect back on my older experiences, I only have fleeting memories with most of the members. I can call almost everyone an acquaintance… but only a handful of people stuck out to me as close friends.
It was still fun to mingle with acquaintances, though. Having a big community made me assume close friendship with almost everybody, and talking to everyone felt really natural.
Nevertheless, throughout the past few months, there has been a situation that caused pretty much everybody in my close friend group to leave. I do not hold any grudges against any individuals, but I believe that I left for a good reason.
And truthfully, I’m not even that sad.
I feel like I should be sadder. It’s a group that I’ve been a part of since I was 17, and I’m turning 21 soon. Many people in the comm will probably look down on me for ditching the main comm — and well, I already knew that some people looked down on my old school friends and I for being “elitist” and hanging out without the whole comm. I’ve had years of good memories with everyone… but I feel like I’ve already achieved what I’ve come here to achieve.
I came to my local comm to find friends, and I’ve found so many! I have friends I talk to on a daily basis. I have friends that I have deep conversations with. I have friends that I go to goth clubs with. I have friends who talk about the same things as me. Even my acquaintances — I’ve reached out to so many in the past couple days and they’re all on board with hanging out sometime to grow closer. So, I’ve done exactly what I’ve come to my local comm to do. I have so many friends who know why I have left the comm, and they’re still willing to hang out with me.
It was funny because I went from welcoming all the new people to the comm server, patting everyone on the back for their work on meetups, and chatting about food, shopping, etc. to suddenly leaving (on my own accord). I had plans for two meetups but cancelled them both. Everything kind of faded away within a day, and I felt the shift in my daily routine as well, because I usually check the discord server first thing in the morning. When I go to check my phone for new messages, I feel confused when I don’t see the group icon on my discord dock.
Though, I don’t feel that that much has changed in terms of my social life. I don’t feel lonely, because I still talk to the same people. I’m still planning meetups… just with my close friends instead of opening the invites to people I have never met. I get more choice on what to do at meetups when close friends plan them — official comm meets can usually cost 20-40 dollars to attend. Now I can plan free meets that just involve walking around, because I have enough to chat about with my close friends, and I’m not worried about impressing a crowd.
Not to mention that I have close enough friends now for 1 on 1 hangouts! I never thought I’d see the day. I hung out with my friend in Concord to go antiquing, and I will see my online friend when I visit Washington DC this weekend!! So much funnn, and an experience I may not have had if I stuck only to comm organized events.
Also, I think back to when I left all big servers in 2023. My friend started by making a server with all my close friends from Babylita HQ and we still talk almost daily! Leaving was honestly the thing that brought my online friendships closer. Lolita Servita… I love you guyssss.
I think leaving this time made me close to new people too. At last year’s Meta meet, I met a friend who had the funniest sense of humor. I talked to him the other day — saying how I wished we could’ve gotten to know each other more — so we agreed to hang out sometime! This morning I also dmed multiple people who I wanted to stay close to. I’m so excited to see them again.
So, I’ve learned that I’m a people person. I’ve never understood how people want to be a lonelita. I said, I need a comm. But no, what I need is a community. I have a community in my city and online, across the world. It doesn’t have to be the official city comm.
…Although, I will admit that there is one thing I might mourn, which was my growing friendships with many members of the comm mod team. This year especially, I grew close with certain mods at multiple meetups. At the zine meet… at the doll tea… at the aquarium meet… etc.
I will not speak on the issue that caused my friends and I to leave, but it was linked back to disagreements and shortcomings with the moderation. I didn’t agree with their decisions, but the mods were still friends of mine… I hope that one day they will be okay with me enough to speak with me again. While they may not like some of my friends, I still miss the flowering friendships we had. If you are reading this and are one of my old friends, mod or not, please never hesitate to reach out to me <3 I am always willing to build bridges again.
I can’t wait to see what the future of my lolita journey has in store. I want to travel the world and meet lolitas everywhere. I want to get more involved in the Chinese community and better my Mandarin. I want to wear lolita with my roommate. I want to meet my close online friends in real life. I want to see all of Massachusetts with my old school friends.
I think my lolita journey has only just started!!!
